Upholding to Unlearning to Dismantling Capitalism
I used to uphold capitalism, fully. As I understood the critiques since a teen, coming from financial hardship as a child, I was still bought into the hustle as the only way to survive. In 2014, I had a goal of making 34k and while that was enough to pay my bills, it wasn't enough to save, invest, retire, give much back to my community, take vacations or do anything substantial with my earnings. I was brainwashed and at the same time, suffering. I didn't exactly know what from. Flash forward to 2016
I was reading and researching more about the harms of capitalism, deepening my anti-racist and feminist inquiry, looking beneath the surface as well as looking around me. My colleague Melody Wright with a finance background, and I started creating a money workshop for therapists. It was helping me to wake up to something more.100k was the median income in my area. I started to realize, that type of income which would make an enormous difference in my life, was actually within reach. Still feeling uneasy.
Pandemic hit, George Floyd, Black Lives Matter, standing up against Asian and Trans hate crimes. Collective consciousness intensifying was setting me on fire too. Looking back, seeing how much that deeply engrained blue collar, head down, grind mentality "work ethic" went so deep in my mind I couldn't see it. There's still layers to go, and many layers surpassed, but I see it now. And two years ago when I started the private practice money FB group, that fire had me going. It's still here.
Intensified by the cruelty & the unnecessary suffering. From threats and cuts to end social support funds, stock manipulation, abuse of power after abuse of power. A full blown phoenix is burning in my heart 🐦🔥❤️🔥 a vision of the future beyond the clarity of the matrix and a passionate cry coming from the earth haunts me daily. The sting of fresh tears welling, heart pounding, calling me to act. Let's name the systems, but let's also solution to act to bring them down. This is not a phase or fad.
With disabling chronic illness coming to visit me in 2020 and the struggle to survive some days so intense I question my ability to overcome it. Long COVID has disabled me on top of it, showing me what it means to struggle on a whole other level. In the past being white, cis, het and able bodied kept me asleep. So I cry with gratitude for this message because I knew but I didn't know. I hold a whole range of privileged and minoritized identities, but this loss has me humbled & also awakening my consciousness so collective suffering so profoundly, I cannot go on anymore in the old ways, the status quo ways, the white supremacy capitalist ways, the colonized ways, the ecocidal ways, the hate upholding enabling ways. And I just want to call in my people. Because I know you're here, many of you on the path for much longer. Many of you have been awake and calling. I hear you now more than ever.
I hope something here has spoken to you. Maybe helped you feel seen, heard, understood, resonant, supported, inspired. I think we need to hear each other's stories beyond brief wise, truthful, disruptive, challenging, funny and quippy posts or opinions online. We need that feeling of being connected to something bigger, fellow humans seeing the saber tooth tiger threat for what it is, differences and commonalities, perspective changing consciousness raising togetherness. We are meant for so much more❤️🔥
And as for solutions, there are so many possible avenues, so many ways to start challenging, pushing back, creating new economic channels and getting adaptive with how we use money. I don’t have all the answers, and I also know they won’t come from me but instead from conversations, collective consciousness and learning from one another.